TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Jan182018

Mark's personal story

I've been here before to share my story. I should be brave enough to just walk away.

On Friday she was trawling my mobile phone searching for any evidence she could find that I might have someone else. To her great delight she found a short selfie video I had made while walking home from work. At the edge of the screen a short flash-frame of my hand could be seen as I was likely moving to grab something from my pocket. She insisted this was not my hand. It was taken as conclusive proof I was not alone at this time and I must be fooling around with someone else. In the hours of rowing that followed she punched me in the stomach where I now have a large purple bruise.

On the weekend we were discussing plans for the week ahead when she said she wanted to stay in my apartment alone while I was needed to work away interstate. I said to her I did not want her to use my apartment because I feared she would betray me as she had done before, going out and picking up another man. In the explosive hours that followed she took to screaming nearly all night, only stopping to punch herself repeatedly in the face. I could not believe the scene that was playing out in front of me, I did my very best to stop her but was terrified to make any contact in case she turned it into some fake assault. She seemed to want to cause herself injuries that she could later show to others – the next morning her face was swollen and blue at the edges of her eyes. I simply do not know how to handle this. I just broke down in terror of what might come my way. I'm still really scared.

Three, maybe four times now there have been incidents where the police were called. Each time no matter how hard she tried – and to their great credit – the police could see she was the one with the fierce temper and the one causing all the trouble. Each time they have recorded me as the victim of the incident – thank heavens. I want to share this part to help others understand the police are not bound to take the woman's side. The police I have dealt with at least could see how terrified I was of becoming falsely accused of violence and I could clearly demonstrate how it was me taking defensive action against being attacked. The advice I offer to you all is lean on the services. Call the helplines. Call the police. Just make sure you call them before you get pushed too hard or something really nasty happens.

For years I have been accused by her of infidelity and everything I do monitored closely to look for opportunities to justify a launch into attack. If I'm at work she calls me 6 times or more daily. If I do not pick up or respond immediately with a personalised message she starts harassing me – calling me over and over again until I am forced to disrupt my duties. Most recently she has even taken to playing and singing a song with lyrics “liar liar liar liar” and so on, playing it over and over. It's clear she is doing this just to cause me annoyance or hurt or provoke me. The problem is it does hurt me. She frequently tells me I am a liar – I do not lie or have guilty secrets to hide.

Yet she somehow flips back and draws me back in using the charm that drew me to her in the first place. I give in, continue and the cycle plays out again. Heaven help me.

Sunday
Jan142018

Charlotte's story

I am the wife of a domestic violence victim, a male who I married recently but was previously in a 15 year marriage filled with domestic violence. This man opened up to me about his unhappiness roughly 4 years ago when we were just friends, but I have learned over the past two years, since he built up the courage to leave her, just how much emotional, physical and financial abuse he was subjected to.

I will start by mentioning that I am writing this because he is still ASHAMED, EMBARRASSED and still being FINANCIALLY ABUSED.

Financial abuse is not spoken about enough. Not only did she use finances to manipulate him, but she used it to get back at him if she wasn't happy with him doing something. An example of this is he went to a family function that she could not attend, therefore she blew their $2500 of savings while he was gone. She also had 100% control over the money that he earned (she did not work) and did not allow him to spend any of his own money.

Physical abuse… how does a 6'8 male make a case against a 6'0 female? That is what my husband told himself, and continues to tell himself. He would never dream of laying a finger on another person, he is far too gentle, but she told him that if he tried to tell anyone about the abuse she would harm herself, and claim that he abuses HER! She held him against the wall by the throat and pushed her thumbs into his windpipe until he passed out or was on the verge. She punched him in the leg and slapped him across the face, both in public and private, if he contradicted her or didn't do what she wanted. She pulled him away from his family when they spoke up, so they stopped, in order to keep him in their life. She threw a knife at his head towards the end, because he knocked a plate. He managed to bring his arm up in time for the knife to wedge itself into his forearm instead of his forehead. This is just the abuse that I have managed to squeeze out of a man who wants to shelter me from the nitty gritty details of his abuse.

Then there is the emotional abuse. I feel like this is a broad area which my husband was greatly affected by. It ranges from her breaking his belongings when she was angry to her telling him that she speaks to his mother and sister in law daily, and they agree with her on whatever topic she was telling at him about. She pulled him away from his family, who live 4 hours from where he was living, and convinced him that they did not like him. She constantly commented that he is sexually inadequate, which has been a difficult one to overcome.

Now my husband and I were very close friends (no infidelity, I feel the need to point that out) when he started the process of leaving her, and we managed to find love once he was divorced. He now has a family and a daughter, he has love in his life. Not all men get this second chance. He was ready to take his own life on multiple occasions, because he was pulled away from his family and lead to believe that no one cared about him. He has admitted to me that he had accepted that his life was destined to be this miserable, and he could do nothing about it. He didn't think any professionals would take him seriously, as a woman abusing a man ‘must seem laughable’, he certainly couldn't pay someone for legal advice, and he didn't think anyone in his life cared enough for him to confide in them.

Domestic abuse against men is not spoken about enough, if at all, and it infuriates me. Men need just as much support as women.

Friday
Dec222017

Jon's personal story

I have looked after my 2 girls since the youngest was 8 months old. She is 3 now. The mother physically assaulted me, and mentally and psychologically tortured me. She refused to co-parent so I had change over week about at another place to protect my girls from conflict. I have just spent $20,000 in legal fees as she lied to the court. She had the children that week and they had been coached so as to "exhibit fear towards me." I had orders from a judge several months ago week about but she was on holidays, so another old male judge decided to go with this new report. I had a glowing psychological report but stats say children need their mother if under 8.

So after 2 years I have now lost my time down to 2 days a fortnight. I work 2 days a week in a good job. I am devastated. What a gross injustice. She said she would destroy me and the family court is helping her do this. One wonders in the future when two males (gay) have children and they split up, who has the children then? My situation is gender biased. I have been so abused by this woman and NOONE is listening. My children are now with the mother who twice threatened to kill them. What a disgrace this country is becoming.

Sunday
Dec172017

Daniel's personal story

I was with my ex-boyfriend for just 4 months and he was financially, emotionally, physically and sexually abusive.

What he did to me:

  • Made me sleep with him
  • Accused me of having affairs with other men
  • Drowned me in the path
  • Hit and punched me
  • Attempted to push me down the stairs
  • Would say that it was my fault
  • Would say that I deserved it.

I finally left him and went to the police and reported him and they said because I was a male I should just fight back.

Thursday
Dec142017

Jason's personal story

Keep going... that's my best piece of advice to you, keep going and forgive yourself. I married a domestic abuser when I was 20 years old. For the next four and a half years she beat me every time I didn't say things the way she wanted in public and “embarrassed” her. She would always promise it was the last time, even when I would lay on the floor crying out for God to forgive her as she kicked my ribs in. It was always the last time.

Her father also beat me every time his daughter and I would have a disagreement; all she had to do was cry in front of him and he'd beat me. The last time he hit me so many times that he broke one of my teeth. I finally had enough of it after they started hitting me in front of the kids, and they were getting old enough to remember. I made the mistake of never reporting the abuse to the police, and the court system favoured the mother in our divorce. I was devastated. I went from being a stay at home dad and business owner to being destitute, bankrupt, and working a nightmare job to pay child support. I desperately tried to fight to see my children more.

It took me a decade to rebuild my life and find a partner who would love me. I spent years wracked with guilt over not being able to help my children, but I learned that sometimes the best option is to leave. If I hadn't left, they would have kept their repeated promise of killing me. Worse than that, my children would have grown up thinking it was normal to see me being beaten. At least now there is the chance they might someday know the truth.

So forgive yourself, and don't be afraid to move on. Sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation, and the only solution is to save your own life. I tried everything I could, but the system is stacked against men. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself and keep going.