TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sunday
Mar252018

Jarrad's personal story

The first time was at a wedding, a friend of her she hated. She got drunk, and I left with our son because he was tired and young. He slept while I kept the car running for hours in the carpark to keep him warm and safe. When she returned, drunk, she tried to kill us, all three of us, drive us off the road. I called her mum to come get her from the side of the road… I should have called the police.

The next time, she came home in the middle of the night, spent all our savings on another hair cut. She attacked me so bad I had blood covering my legs and a chemical burn to my face. She called the police, and she was taken away. I never should have let her come back.

The next is a list I am sure isn't uncommon: smashed electrics, smashed doors, smashed kitchenware, plates, bowls, phones, cars, hysterical attacks, I even made a safe house in my own home. I dunno what I was thinking, save my marriage, protect my son.

I am over 15 thousand in legal debts, two VRO's, one night in a holding cell (for sending an SMS) and more debt because when I was made homeless after the police accused me of being violent they took away my right to enter my house, and my right to see my son, just like that.

It has been six months. Tomorrow I get to see my boy for the first time since January 14th. I even missed his third birthday. I am still the criminal, I have to have a woman, a woman I have to pay for, follow me around, just for two hours with my son. I am on a plan with my lawyer, and this protection, and in debt to try and buy all the normal things, like a bed, they took from me, for nothing. I spend over 70% of my income on legal, protection, and debt. Then I have to find child support, then I am supposed to eat somehow…

And the reason I came to tell you my story. It is never too late! I would do anything for my son. I will go bankrupt, I will work 2 jobs, I would even do something immoral to get this money. There is hope, keep your heads up, take photos, take videos, take action.

If you don't, the court will make you fight just to be a father, and a free man. While she gets child support, legal aid, Centrelink, and everyones support.

I have the photos, I have the witnesses, I even have her on record threatening to kill my son, she said it to a cop. I have proof she tried to kill herself as a sole parent, the only one looking after my son. The cops walked in on her doing it… She still has my boy, the court still keeps him away from me, hides her address, wont even let me show you pictures of my own son. He has missed Kindy 3, and now Kindy 4, and I have no say in this.

The evidence means nothing but keep records, keep your head up, and get out because every step you don't take, is ten more you will have to take in the end. When you get your day to prove it, it will be the sweetest day. Mine is still months away, but tomorrow, I get to see my son and I get to live in safety, without violence, threats, and financial stress. I get a warm bed, and a safe place.

Respect, anyone who lives through this, respect.

Sunday
Mar182018

Daniel's personal story

Dear White Ribbon,

Whilst I appreciate your ad campaign I feel it is biased in the sense of nearly a decade of spousal abuse. I recently lost my smell due to a coward's punch from behind to my temporal lobe. These ads remind me of the assaults every time I see them on TV.

It's fair to say as a male with a build of 110kgs 186cm & working in security it is humiliating for me personally to admit to my family, friends & workplace my partner weighing in at 45kgs beats me.

It has taken me years to admit this, hoping every day it will get better, I admit I need counselling, I am a mess.

I empathise that women struggle to report their violence, however it is gut wrenching, embarrassing for a ALPHA male working in security to come forward. I still love her even though she has robbed me in so many ways, but now she has robbed my sense of smell. Enough is enough.

I have sought medical advice & a counsellor.

Personally I think there should be an equal campaign, would you disagree? If we can get rid of ‘grid girls’ at car rallies and other examples of being politically correct, then surely we can afford a “VAM VAM thank you Maam” campaign.

Take care & stay safe.

My best,

Daniel

Friday
Mar022018

Lost and Confused's personal story

I'll start with the sad admission that my female partner has abused me regularly for the past 5 years. I have tried very hard to work through the issues that cause her to become abusive to the great detriment to my own mental health. I have been pushed to the point of retaliation a few times but I always try very hard to not snap under pressure. Often I feel like giving up completely. We have separated a few times but always get back together. Perhaps this situation rings true for some of you out there. In spite of everything that's happened I still love her and I know she loves me too. I want to keep trying. For those who are still trying their best to live normally I have some advice.

Recently I was enduring and doing my best to ignore a day of verbal text message abuse. At the end of my working day I met my partner in town and calmly but firmly confronted her on her behaviour. She lost her temper and hit me – once. I was unhurt and unharmed – I walked away, shaken and upset.

The incident is unfortunately something I have experienced several times now. This time she had been drinking, I was scared she would turn violent towards me through the night, something that has happened before and caused me to run away. She turned up at home angry and I smelled trouble. Upset, lost and stuck with no friends to turn and talk to I ran away. I went to the nearby police station, I thought I'd find someone willing to listen and just share a kind word to get me back on my feet. Goodness me I wish I had not done this now.

I have learned the police are evidently unable and unwilling to support someone like me who just wanted to talk through their difficulties and make a plan to resolve things at home. They are evidently tasked with proving by numbers their effectiveness at bringing DV perpetrators to justice. While I was upset they simply probed me using a checklist until they had enough information to go find CCTV evidence of my partner striking me and – the next day when my partner and I were enjoying our evening dinner police arrived at the doorstep to arrest her and lay criminal assault charges. In spite of my insistence I was making no complaint nor statement to claim an assault had been made on me. This was not the outcome I wanted at all – the police only seem interested in gathering statistics for their own benefit.

Now I face the absurd and costly challenge of defending my partner in court for charges I have no wish to bring on her. The world has gone completely mad.

Monday
Feb052018

John's personal story

Wow I looked for this kind of resource years ago but there was nothing. I have been a victim of countless attacks by more than one woman but mostly my current partner. In the last incident she smashed a pot plant on my back dislocating my shoulder while I was curled up on the ground. She then beat and kicked me until I ran upstairs and called the police but she pulled the phone cord out of the wall. A call registered at the station and a police car came. She saw it out the front and began punching herself in the face. The police thought I did it and didn't believe I was the victim. I lost custody of our son and fear for his life every day. This was all because I didn't order pineapple on her vegetarian pizza.

Monday
Jan292018

Bruce's personal story

When I first got married my wife was attractive, sweet, shy and positively happy. However after twelve months of marriage I began to realise that something was missing. As I realised that our marriage was lacking Intimacy.

My wife has become to boss me around, and it was becoming increasing obvious that her personality was changing.

Before we got married, we never had one single argument, but she was no longer the sweet innocent woman that I once knew. She never ever told me that she loved me of her own account, and only ever said it in return, if I said it to her first.

After building and moving into our new home, which I helped build, she began to shows signs of behaviour that I did like. Even while we were engaged, she showed extreme sign of Selfishness on one account, and was a side of her that I didn’t like.

She would show signs and Traits of:--

Selfishness, Moodiness, and Frequent Tantrums which I found difficult to deal with.

She would often bite my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place and I thought and felt that she was quite inconsiderate when she would often say what she thought, regardless of whether it hurt my feelings or not, which she often did on a frequent basis and it felt like her stabbing me, because she would often be nasty for no particular reason. But I would just bite my tongue and not retaliate.

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