TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sunday
Jul232017

Edward's personal story

Have only found this site tonight. Read many of the stories and I recognise that I too DV at the hands of my wife for over 25 years. She grew up in an abused home and has continued this learned behaviour. Am object of her ridicule, verbal abuse, occasional violence and financial threats. Do most of chores inside & out and still it's not enough. Am isolated from workmates and have no immediate family near. Mobile phone and Facebook monitored at times. Had to memorise emails & phone numbers of secret friends/ colleagues to prevent threats & further abuse. Don't really see any way out and live in regional area with no support.

Friday
Jul212017

Ray's personal story

Well I have been in an abusive relationship for 15 years. These are the things that have happened:

On many occasions things that I would tell in confidence would be used against me in an argument or aired publicly at an event. Constant referral to questioning my manhood regarding sticking up for her in embarrassing situations - wanting me to hit the other guy. So many physical attacks where she would lose control, throw things at me or kick and punch. At least 3 - 4 times a year. I am a martial artist of many years so I know how to block or take a punch - I never once hit her back but deep down these things have affected me. I feel she wants me to hit her so she can have an excuse to hate me. I will never hit a woman.

I wish I could leave but she threatens to take my boy away from me and my home which I fully owned before she moved in. She has only worked part time and has never contributed financially to anything. She does not do any housework and knows she has me over a barrel.

How on earth can our society ignore what's going on behind closed doors? It's double standards. If I did one fraction to her what she has done to me I would be locked in a jail cell. Judges, media and the general public think that a man should be able to take it. I also feel that some women believe they can treat men any way they see fit with no repercussions. Well I have and personally I feel it's unjust. I think violence towards men is a bigger issue than most people think. It's responsible for countless suicides and depressions because it's shamed. I know there are some terrific girls out there who are not so violent. I actually think the rate would be equal - its just the violence is expressed in a different way...

Sunday
Jul162017

Paul's personal story

My experience is not unlike so many others on here. For 8 years I was physically, emotionally and financially abused by my ex-partner. She was a police officer and this made it impossible to get anything done about her abuse. Even making a complaint to the local command resulted in being told by an inspector to call 000 if it happened again as reporting it would result in her dismissal. Another member of the local Family Violence Unit even stated that no copper would believe me as she was 5'2" and I was 6' so how could she possibly be able to assault me.

Eventually we separated after I found her having an affair with a work colleague. She then went to her work station and had a IVO taken out against me as she was “in fear” that I would do something. No evidence whatsoever. Her best friend at the station took out the order and I was not even consulted nor had the opportunity to voice my side of the story. Fortunately I had a investment property to reside at and was actually glad it was all over (I thought) and I could move on. I was then banned from my own house for 18 months until settlement was finally completed.

After settlement I went to the house only for her and her partner to turn up and abuse me. The male walked straight into the house and king hit me while I was sitting down and then had the crap kicked out of me by my ex while the male held me down in a choker hold. I passed out several times and was so relieved when the police, who I had called finally arrived. Unfortunately they were from their police station so believed them when they stated that I was the offender and breaching the IVO and I was handcuffed and arrested. Fortunately I had paper work to prove I was the owner and they were the trespassers so was released and they were arrested and charged.

An internal investigation has since discovered some of the other activities she was up to and lies she had told and was forced to resign 3 days before pleading guilty to charges in the magistrates court. The story has so much more involved. I have been arrested 7 times and held in custody for 21 hours for allegedly breaching the IVO but always exonerated. Her abuse of the family violence order continues as she knows she will never be prosecuted for making false allegations. Have even had police officers admit they know there has been no offence committed but have to follow “procedures”.

I supplied the police with photographic evidence of some of the assaults that occurred on me over the years but she was never prosecuted. Imagine the actions taken if a female was bashed over the head with a piece of floor board and knocked unconscious and left with injuries all down her face. After the assault on me the police Professional Standards Command applied for a IVO against them on my behalf and 15 months later no IVO has been granted by the magistrate, fortunately an interim order was put in place. I totally believe women need a great deal of protection from violent men and should have all the assistance they can get to be made feel safe. But there must be greater checks and balances in the process to avoid the exploitation of the domestic violence act by vengeful females.

Friday
Jul142017

David's personal story

I met someone when I was about 19. I had poor self-esteem for a number of reasons. I was bullied at school and had parents that set high standards. Failure was a constant fear in my life.

The person I met spoke to me and said she understood me. A friendship grew into something more.

There were times I had doubts, little “crossroad” moments, like the time she took a kitchen knife to a book I was reading. Or her propensity to go from calm to white hot anger in a second. That white hot anger was usually accompanied by some physical violence which at best was a slap, at worst she would grab my genitals.

Then there were the put-downs, nothing was ever quite good enough and any ideas would be scrutinised by her and her family before I would be told, no, bad idea.

But there were good things too, enough for me to agree to move in after about 18 months or so.

Like others, I experienced the slow alienation from friends and family. Then the slow alienation from who I was and what I believed in. I was labelled an emotional retard and told how a normal person would react to things and how different that was to me.

I would find myself thinking, “what am I doing this for?” Or worse, “why bother going on if this is as good as it gets.”

I hated myself for a host of surface reasons.

All this was my problem. I could never be happy. I had issues.

Then after a particularly bad phase, I was referred to a psychologist. This helped me gain a great deal of clarity and also to believe that what I was experiencing and what I felt was as real as any other person. Deep down, I hated myself for not being true to who I was, and so it was time to stop being a cardboard cut-out and become real again.

I came to realise that the way I was being treated wasn't right and that either that had to change or I would have to leave. In the end it was the latter. Since then it has been a roller coaster. What I can say to people in what was my situation is that it gets better, a whole lot better. Sure there are bad days, but I am a totally different person to who I was in that emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I love my life now and I love who I have become in that life.

Monday
Jul102017

Craig's personal story

I had a story to tell once. The police didn't listen, they wanted evidence, my wife didn't need evidence just reasonable probability... 'it probably happened' WTF. Registrars don't want to listen, magistrates don't want to listen, prosecutors don't want to listen, even legal aid will help mount a defence because they want me to plea bargain (for want of a better term). It's CHEAPER... what price do you put in a good man's sanity?

1st IVO came the day my inheritance came in... she stole it... then set me up to breach, no one cares. Second IVO came just last week a day after I told her I would be asking for 50/50 care of the kids. No one cares. So now my ex has 2 IVOs. NO evidence has been produced for ANY of the claims made... and a breach. Meanwhile my children are without their father, are going to grow up thinking I'm a loser... our relationship has already changed... I'm just someone they visit for a couple of hours a week. I love my children dearly... they have never, and will never be at risk of harm from me... NOW I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO THEM... no one cares.

What makes this an absolutely obscene situation is the fact that during our 15 yrs together I never laid a hand on her or the kids in anger. Sure the kids got a smack now and again... this only occurred after several warnings and an explanation of the reason... as was the way I was brought up by my step father. Se also taught me ‘there is NEVER a good enough reason to assault a woman or child in anger.' The killer here is that she was the one who was violent towards both myself and the children. I saw her on several occasions react with a back hand to the face of our daughter and call her a 'little c;$t’. These were always reactive and never measured or explained... the look of absolute bewilderment on my daughter's face will haunt me forever. She got so drunk one night that she nearly dropped her infant niece, our daughter. The same night on the way home she vomited over our daughter then proceeded to physically abuse me while I tried to clean it up. When we arrived home I received a flurry of abuse coupled with a good volley of punches to the face, all for trying to recover our daughter who had almost fallen out of my wife's arms because she passed out in the rocking chair.

BUT I'M THE ONE UNDER THE IVO AND I'M THE ONE THE KIDS NEED PROTECTING FROM.

I just need someone to take me seriously... because if they did they would see her lies as plain as day.