Jonathan's personal story

My father started raping me when I was 4 years old. I remember having a nightmare one night and asked to sleep with daddy. I was beyond scared. This is where the molestation began. Dad anally raped me and that was only the beginning of 17 years of sexual abuse and rape. Several other people started to rape me when I started kindergarten. I started at that age to get horrible bruises because the rape was so brutal. My father said I looked so sexy covered from head to toe in bruises and that made him more violent with me. I spent most of my childhood suicidal and wanted to end it all. But in reality all I really wanted to have end was my rape.

I hit puberty when I was 9 years old and that excited my father to no end. He became more brutal with me than before. The only reason why I cooperated and kept going back was to stay alive. During the times I was suicidal, my molesters decided to threaten to kill my family instead of me. It was a constant battle every day of my childhood. Every day for 17 years I was molested. I wished I were an ugly child so no one would want me anymore. I even attempted to cut off my penis once. I thought if I got rid of it then they wouldn't want me anymore. The razorblade just hurt too much and forced me to stop hurting myself.

I started drinking when I was 16 years old. I slept with men for beer money. I would always get drunk. Now I'm trying to clean up my life, break away from the alcohol addiction and come to terms with my abuse. But it's not easy to come to terms with 17 years of child sexual abuse. But I am in therapy and really feel so much trust with my therapist.