TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Oct262017

Gary's personal story

Thank you 1 in 3. Finally there is a dedicated group for all victims of Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence in all its forms. I am a victim of both DV and IPV, which is hard to admit for all the associated labels that male victims are tagged with.

I would like to add another category of violence to the list and that is Government Sanctioned Violence. There is no other way to describe the treatment that is dispensed by the Police, CSA, Family Law Court and Relationships Australia. Any male unfortunate enough to have been through divorce or separation or falsely accused of DV /IPV will understand once a couple, married or not have separated or claims of DV / IPV are made there is an army of government agencies at the disposal of the wife / female, all with one aim and that is to destroy the male. Like many others I have been subject to the violent nature of the people within these agencies who believe they are defending a poor defenceless female victim without giving any consideration to their own victim – the male. I have not gone into detail regarding my experiences with Government Sanctioned Violence. There’s no need, sadly the majority of men’s experiences will be the same.

Monday
Oct232017

Randall's personal story

I have kept my situation quiet hoping for change here at home and never getting it but broken promises, hopes shattered, it's finally enough. I will not stoop to the level of my wife. I will not be carted off in a police van because no one will believe me and men must be responsible somehow. Disproportionate response by her and by any definition pure psych, verbal, physical abuse. I have made my first appointment with a a counselling centre today for me to spill my guts.

I used to want to be a loving husband, supportive, caring, protector. Now I am anxious about what I might coming home to her if she is unbalanced and/or drinking. I've been threatened with physical harm, silence, blame “if you used a different tone none of this would have happened"... or if you came to me in some unknown “different” way it would be different, or basically it's all your fault. Physical abuse (no longer defend myself and I have lost it a couple of times and very remorseful that I was goaded to her level) verbal abuse ("piece of shit” plus much more), derogatory comments from penis size!! to somehow hurt me? continued contact she defended with ex-boyfriend of 9 months “he understands me”, kicked, spat at, slapped, pushed down a staircase, lit cigarette flicked in my face, poked in my face (last night), shirt-fronted (last night again), room burst into at 3am outburst again, accusations unfounded, punching.

We sleep in step rooms and I was angrily told “she would shoot me on sight if I went into her room” well she's from Brooklyn but doesn't own a gun... yet. She has had childhood PTSD from my research (to help why things are so crazy)... undiagnosed and unresolved. Refuses pro help and uses our marriage to express her lack of love for herself and damaged self-esteem from my estimation but if there's a problem with us I can't express and she uses intimidation. I have moved heaven and earth for her in 3, yes only 3 years of marriage. (My second marriage) And I have a lot of shite to deal with, more than I bargained for, with little support from anywhere, I drink, am depressed can't see how I can get her out of my life without ending up in a Salvo hostel I'm so invested.

I paid her visa etc married her here and helped her move from the USA. No kids between! All last nights screaming & physical disproportionate anger is never acknowledged, it is all my fault. She will take NO responsibility for her actions. Including her verbal and physical assault. Now it's escalating happening weekly. Loud loud yelling (while I keep it low so can never get a word in, stomped, my views dismissed, not heard). Today at work she sent me 19 texts including telling me what abusive relationships look like... abuse in itself. Would like us to be more spiritual and yet disrespects herself and her marriage.

I look forward to my session so I can understand if I really am in an abusive marriage or is this normal? I was in a 20 year ex-marriage. Violence against men is real... we must make men feel less shamed and respect that men can suffer too... And not in their own silence!!! I want to hear and co-support from blokes who are hanging on and trying to maintain dignity in the face of adversity from the person that want to love yours but just cannot... are anxious, feeling shamed, misunderstood.

Saturday
Oct212017

James' personal story

Domestic violence cannot be fixed until the whole picture is seen, which includes a ton of female violence towards children and their partners. My story is very long and involves more than 6 abusive female relationships. I'll focus on the first with my marriage. My wife was constantly verbally abusive – highly critical, demeaning, and cruel. She especially delighted in ridiculing me in front of her close friends. She left the worst behaviour for behind closed doors, so most people thought she was nice.

She regularly punched me, and criticised my sexual interactions with her (comparing me unfavourably with her past conquests), and any task I performed around the house as well as my appearance, posture and mannerisms. She always wanted money to follow her latest desire and promised to repay me in the future – which she never did. If I challenged her about abuse she would threaten to leave or run off with another guy – leaving me to cover all the debts she'd accumulated.

When she got pregnant everything became 10 times worse, and after our child was born I became suicidal because I was working full time and getting no sleep at night (looking after our child) and being constantly yelled at. I organised and paid for a year of marriage counselling, but she was resolute in maintaining her position which was that everything was my fault.

After we split up her games began. She used our child as a pawn and made her unavailable when I wanted to see our child, and dumped our child onto me when I was flat out with work. She promised to stay nearby for our child's easy access to me and my family, but she moved several times further away. She wanted me to sign passport papers for our child to go on holiday to Fiji and promised she would never move overseas when I questioned that. Not long after she moved overseas for what she promised was a few years, but ended up staying indefinitely. Many years later my child returned as an adolescent and she came too. Her games continue to this day, our child is now an adult and living away from her, so I have some contact but she still manages to interfere and influence our offspring negatively towards me.

Sunday
Oct152017

Jeff's personal story

I have been assaulted twice by my (ex) fiancee. The first time she managed to leave QLD before the Police were able to arrest her and I was advised she'd be arrested if she ever returned. The next time was in the ACT (where we live permanently). Despite the Police taking photos of bruising and scratching around my neck where she attempted to strangle me and despite being provided with a recording my 11 year old son took on his iPad, they refused to charge her because they felt they wouldn’t get a successful prosecution. What an absolute joke. I’m at my wits end. I had to lodge a complaint with the AFP Professional Standards Unit to get the Gungahlin Police to even accept the additional evidence I had in the first place. What more evidence do they need? No wonder men don’t report assaults as we’re just treated with contempt.

Thursday
Oct122017

Venkat's personal story

I am a victim of domestic violence and I should share my story here. We have been married for 5 years now and the violence started from day one. At first I thought it's common and we can work on the relationship to do better. Now I regret that decision I made - I should have left her before she got pregnant.

Now I have my daughter who is 3 years old and I am locked into a situation where I cannot leave my wife since I don't want a troubled childhood for my kid. She abuses me with vulgar words, scratches all over my body with her fingernails, drags me all around the house holding my hair. The worst part is sometimes she feels sorry for what she has done and as a man I feel sorry for her and just say to myself "let's carry on." It's all because of my angel daughter I am still surviving each and every day with a nightmare.

I am collecting all the evidence I can, and keeping it safe at the moment. I am expecting to survive this life for at least the next 3 years by which time my child should be able to understand the problems I face and I hope she will understand why I have to leave this relationship.

But nowadays I am having nightmares with no sleep at night as I am scared of her.

I am head of a region working outside my country and staying with my family. This gives me more difficulty since she always threatens to report to the police that I abuse her. She is ignorant about the consequences of issues like this in a foreign land where my whole career will be gone if I get charged with abuse in a foreign land.

I am dying every day and all my worries are about my daughter. I want her to be a great woman leader in the future. I don't know what to do and I want my daughter.