TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Jun092017

Darryl's personal story

I thought it was normal for a man to be bit, kicked, scratched and have cold water thrown over you if you did something wrong. I admit I was using drugs at the time but I told my partner my problem and she chose to stay. Unfortunately I fell in love with her, and it was 3 years of abuse non-stop. I still feel that I truly love my abuser and I still feel I deserved it.

It was not until recently that I joined a mens rights group that I realised I was a victim of DV. Calling Mensline was hopeless, I would wait an hour just to talk to someone and I called a local DV line but it was for women and I heard them laughing in the background when I said I need a counsellor. It is still a hard time and I can't get that person out of my head.

Additionally, my University program at Griffith University, consent program, portrays straight white men as the perpetrators with strong links to known feminists in the resource list. I am so sick of being a victim and a perpetrator. I need help. This has ruined my life. I have never ever ever done anything wrong by a woman yet I am always painted as a child molester at a local pool. I actually like to swim in the kids pool as it the water is low and I can lie back. I have to take my wife with me as the guards say it not appropriate for men to be alone with children in a public pool. Ridiculous. I care about everyone. I would stand up for a woman if she was getting hit and so would most men I know. So, why are we all displayed as the evil ones.

Sunday
Jun042017

Bryne's personal story

Learning about some of the legal issues relating to domestic violence has been a very un-nerving road for my son to travel upon. Police action throughout his introduction to an Interim Domestic Violence Order has been at best questionable, now having read the NSW Police brochure on DV freely available on the web.

Trying to gain more information on the available help that is for a PINOP (in this case a male) I searched the public records of documents available on the NSW Health web site. “Domestic violence” was the search and to my joy hundreds of references to documents streamed down the page about females. OK, moving to the next appropriate search, 'Domestic violence against males". NO RESULTS FOR THIS SEARCH. NO, NSW Health should have some answers.

OK, next, a personal visit to the Local Health District and get it from the horse's mouth. "I'm here about domestic violence against a male." The person puts her hand up and as quick said, "we only deal with females, you need to go to someone like the Mens Shed, they might help you." Righto, off I go with phone number in hand after thanking NSW Health for their help.

"Hello this is the Mens Shed, how can we help you?" "I know a victim of domestic violence and I need some directioning." "Are you contemplating self harm?" "No." "Do you suffer from depression, we can help you with that?" "No." "Well I don't think we can help you."

Well back to Mr. Google and what do I find, One In Three. Read lots of good information. Well at least we have read many letters from males with the same issues. My final comment, in this country THE LAW IS AN ASS, 30 per cent is a huge figure statistically speaking. Who will save our men from domestic violence discrimination? What do our politically correct army have to say?

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Sunday
May282017

Josh's personal story

I experienced my first sexual interactions at 7-9 with my brother's girlfriend who was 16 at the time. I lived in a house of two victims of childhood abuse. My parents were often sexually inappropriate especially my mother and I'm unsure if we had sex. I had nightmares that we did while we shared the bed and she seducingly told me she would have dreams we were having sex.

My sister who was 5 years older also touched me in very arousing ways asking if I needed help while masturbating. Now when I am intimate I need to relive these experiences. I have been suicidal most of my life and since 13 have never been able to experience pleasure. I have tried every type of psych or counsellor, even self-referring myself to forensic psychologists to try to heal but they are useless. Often comparing stressful moments to being stuck in traffic.

I am desperate for help. I live in Victoria and am desperate for someone who can actually treat these problems effectively with me. If someone knows of a reliable source who can actually deal with these problems please email me. Thank you.

Saturday
May202017

Anonymous personal story

Well it wasn't until I suffered a near death motorbike accident that I started to understand. Not being able to move due to severe pain gives you time to think. Later and with many therapy sessions under my belt did I get it. My ex-wife is a narcissist. I had all the tricks played on me and from this I developed PTSD. But it does not stop there.

The 3 years of family court fighting just to see my son did not help and enhanced the PTSD. Losing everything I worked hard for except my clothes, well that does have it's effects. Why can a woman lie in court, not obey court orders and nothing happens, but if a male does that he is in trouble? The constant persistent alienation of me to my son has now meant I have not seen him in over 4 years just for CSA money.

So my story is about the psychological and emotional violence as well as physical that women do to men and children in a marriage. And yes, I had to put up with the usual tantrums with breaking things - only mine - and throwing things and locking me out of the house and hitting me but I thought "man up - that is what men do - man up and just deal with it."

Wow, then family court... don't be a man in family court. You will lose everything and come out with PTSD. But then the constant pressure put on my son to not see me or have anything to do with me is disgusting, and guess what, all from a woman but "family violence is only due to men". Funny how it is recognised in the USA but not in Australia.

Why do police laugh at a man who is trying to protect himself and any children from a female? Why does the law not protect a man, a man trying to protect himself and his child? Why are the laws so one-sided? Why can a female cry and get help and support and have a male locked up in jail but when a male does it, nothing (well, he gets laughed at)? All of society is conditioned to the male being the perpetrator. My ex-wife gave my son's school some sob story and the school had a different opinion of me overnight. Just sit back and look at life: the message is sent constantly that men are the cause of family violence and unless a very strong message is put forth this will continue. Police, schools, judges, feminists all need to change their attitudes and that is not going to happen.

Thursday
May112017

Ken's personal story

I met my partner in 2005 & we were both living in different states at the time, a romance ensued & I flew regularly to spend time with her. She fell pregnant very early and from here everything changed. I very quickly moved in support of the situation to be present for the relationship and the baby. Upon arrival I was treated to a screaming fit about my friendship with an ex-girlfriend, and other accusations & constantly bullied via verbal abuse, shaming and guilting and other forms of psychological abuse & control. I also endured abuse from this woman's mother who would simply walk into the house demanding dinner for herself and 1/2 dozen kids she would faerie around everyday, and would make demands about her access to my child like she owned her.

I moved us to a different state of Australia, because I believed taking the partner away from the abusive family environment may help. But her angry outbursts and aggressive behaviours magnified, I never knew what person I would find when I returned home and felt like the home was a minefield. She made frequent unreasonable demands for constant involvement in all household duties (cooking 4 nights week, cleaning, bathing child, etc, etc). She remained at home all day while I worked & I would come home and find the place in utter chaos? If I brought this to her attention I was abused and called a misogynist, and constantly berated about my input to the family. I transformed from a very outgoing, high-achieving & optimistic person into a reclusive, pessimistic & angry one. So much so, my family felt I was unrecognisable.

One year I tried to have my young adult daughter from a previous relationship live with us, the ex turned it into an absolute nightmare and verbally abused my daughter & kicked her out. Despite the fact I had raised her child as my own for the 9 years of the relationship. The ex also denied me the time and space to respond to a friend who was suicidal and needed a safe place, and was so unbelievably selfish and insecure she made it about proving she was more important? So sustained, directed and aggressive was her abuse that I eventually lost 3 jobs in just 6 months due to depression and stress & ended up in a psych ward.

We ended up in court twice for domestic violence orders, both times because she instigated physical assaults on me & I was forced to call the police to stop her. The second time she destroyed nearly $4000 of my personal items after unplugging the phone line when I attempted to call 000 to stop her. Fortunately the police wrote the order on her but she then went to court & filed a cross order on me. When all I did was try to recover an expensive device she was running off with while screaming “I'll smash this f**king thing”, & caused a small bruise on her wrist when I grabbed her.

Since leaving this woman 18 months ago she continues to use CSA, and the legal system (through grants) to harass and exploit me for increasing levels of money. Even though she has more than 80% of the family assets and was paid 3 times the nominated support. And has never offered settlement for relationship debts or the cost of the personal property she destroyed in a fit of rage. The amount of time I have to waste communicating with various agencies she sends after me, money for legal fees & the complete lack of support I have as a male in this situation are impacting on my emotional and physical well-being.

I feel utterly powerless to stop this woman who seems to be able to access unlimited free legal support & is now taking me to court due to her own refusal to agree to settlement of what she owes, so we can have a fair division of assets.