TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Nov022017

Tony's personal story

It all started when she moved in. A few months into our relationship, my partner had an altercation with her dad. They were always constantly fighting and arguing as they both feel the need to be ‘Alpha’. I didn't realise this at the start. One night I received a call from her in tears asking if she could stay over for one night, and me being open hearted and caring I said if course and picked her up. She manipulated her way into staying full time, then things started getting uncontrollably hard.

She would constantly manipulate me with ‘if you don't do that, I won't do this’. At the start I was blind. I really liked this girl so I would do anything for her. Then she started restricting my time with my friends and my weekly phone calls to my parents and started becoming violently possessive and would get angry and make it seem like it was my fault. At this point, she had already got my name on the lease and power bill, so I felt inclined to stay. The possessiveness became worse as she would constantly go through my phone, constantly accusing me of cheating. There were clear signs that I wasn't but she would just say it anyway. She stopped all contacts I had with close girls that I had as friends that I could call sisters, she would constantly text and ring me when I was not around and she got jealous if a girl even looked at me. She would go off at me and it would be my fault.

She was constantly putting me down and making me feel small, would say I don't work hard enough (apprentice), would make me come home after a hard day's work and cook and clean, go to the shops and just constantly manipulate me into being her ‘slave’. The abuse wasn't just from her, her father constantly abuses me as well and she just sits there, then says its normal and I just have to go with it. Every time I have tried to leave this relationship she threatens to kill herself, she hits my car, she hits me. I have run out of options and I am scared to tell anyone as no one believes that this sort of thing happens to men. It's emotionally draining and it feels like there is no way out.

Sunday
Oct292017

RJ's personal story

I have read everyone's stories and it has helped a lot! I've written out mine so many times but never submitted it. Well today I feel I need to share a minimal amount...

My wife is the abuser, in more aspects than one. We have been married for 4.5 years and her whole demeanour changed on our honeymoon. A totally different person than I had known during our 2 years of dating. I have had to see a psychologist this year and have been for over 6 months, to help me deal with everything that happens as well as learn ways to act or deal with constant put downs and belittling.

I had to leave home to make a point that things were getting out of hand and she was having outbursts in front of our son. I left for 2.5 weeks and I said that she had to seek help otherwise I would have to leave for good. She said she sought help and I believed her (as I always do) and trusted that things would get better, so I came back home. That was 3 weeks ago, and not a thing has changed.

I am at breaking point and my pastor at my church has known the situation for 3 years now and has helped me along the journey, but I'm just lost in what I should do? I feel I need to pack a suitcase and make the step of leaving and finding happiness & hope again, but I am confused at the same time. I hate that it all happens in front of our 22 month old son. I need to show him that the behaviour and the ways my wife controls everything and ways of manipulation aren't acceptable, but I find it hard to take that final step. I think of the mortgage, child custody, and all that other stuff... Just how do I get past it?

I can't come to a conclusion. I know this life with my wife is not healthy and very toxic. I know if I leave, my son has 2 loving homes rather than 1 toxic one! I want to stand up for myself and not be manipulated back into the situation I'm in... which has happened so many times. I'm constantly depressed & stressed & walking on eggshells, as I'm afraid of what could trigger her to have an episode or outburst. But no one should have to live like this. Keep me in prayers please!

Thursday
Oct262017

Gary's personal story

Thank you 1 in 3. Finally there is a dedicated group for all victims of Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence in all its forms. I am a victim of both DV and IPV, which is hard to admit for all the associated labels that male victims are tagged with.

I would like to add another category of violence to the list and that is Government Sanctioned Violence. There is no other way to describe the treatment that is dispensed by the Police, CSA, Family Law Court and Relationships Australia. Any male unfortunate enough to have been through divorce or separation or falsely accused of DV /IPV will understand once a couple, married or not have separated or claims of DV / IPV are made there is an army of government agencies at the disposal of the wife / female, all with one aim and that is to destroy the male. Like many others I have been subject to the violent nature of the people within these agencies who believe they are defending a poor defenceless female victim without giving any consideration to their own victim – the male. I have not gone into detail regarding my experiences with Government Sanctioned Violence. There’s no need, sadly the majority of men’s experiences will be the same.

Monday
Oct232017

Randall's personal story

I have kept my situation quiet hoping for change here at home and never getting it but broken promises, hopes shattered, it's finally enough. I will not stoop to the level of my wife. I will not be carted off in a police van because no one will believe me and men must be responsible somehow. Disproportionate response by her and by any definition pure psych, verbal, physical abuse. I have made my first appointment with a a counselling centre today for me to spill my guts.

I used to want to be a loving husband, supportive, caring, protector. Now I am anxious about what I might coming home to her if she is unbalanced and/or drinking. I've been threatened with physical harm, silence, blame “if you used a different tone none of this would have happened"... or if you came to me in some unknown “different” way it would be different, or basically it's all your fault. Physical abuse (no longer defend myself and I have lost it a couple of times and very remorseful that I was goaded to her level) verbal abuse ("piece of shit” plus much more), derogatory comments from penis size!! to somehow hurt me? continued contact she defended with ex-boyfriend of 9 months “he understands me”, kicked, spat at, slapped, pushed down a staircase, lit cigarette flicked in my face, poked in my face (last night), shirt-fronted (last night again), room burst into at 3am outburst again, accusations unfounded, punching.

We sleep in step rooms and I was angrily told “she would shoot me on sight if I went into her room” well she's from Brooklyn but doesn't own a gun... yet. She has had childhood PTSD from my research (to help why things are so crazy)... undiagnosed and unresolved. Refuses pro help and uses our marriage to express her lack of love for herself and damaged self-esteem from my estimation but if there's a problem with us I can't express and she uses intimidation. I have moved heaven and earth for her in 3, yes only 3 years of marriage. (My second marriage) And I have a lot of shite to deal with, more than I bargained for, with little support from anywhere, I drink, am depressed can't see how I can get her out of my life without ending up in a Salvo hostel I'm so invested.

I paid her visa etc married her here and helped her move from the USA. No kids between! All last nights screaming & physical disproportionate anger is never acknowledged, it is all my fault. She will take NO responsibility for her actions. Including her verbal and physical assault. Now it's escalating happening weekly. Loud loud yelling (while I keep it low so can never get a word in, stomped, my views dismissed, not heard). Today at work she sent me 19 texts including telling me what abusive relationships look like... abuse in itself. Would like us to be more spiritual and yet disrespects herself and her marriage.

I look forward to my session so I can understand if I really am in an abusive marriage or is this normal? I was in a 20 year ex-marriage. Violence against men is real... we must make men feel less shamed and respect that men can suffer too... And not in their own silence!!! I want to hear and co-support from blokes who are hanging on and trying to maintain dignity in the face of adversity from the person that want to love yours but just cannot... are anxious, feeling shamed, misunderstood.

Saturday
Oct212017

James' personal story

Domestic violence cannot be fixed until the whole picture is seen, which includes a ton of female violence towards children and their partners. My story is very long and involves more than 6 abusive female relationships. I'll focus on the first with my marriage. My wife was constantly verbally abusive – highly critical, demeaning, and cruel. She especially delighted in ridiculing me in front of her close friends. She left the worst behaviour for behind closed doors, so most people thought she was nice.

She regularly punched me, and criticised my sexual interactions with her (comparing me unfavourably with her past conquests), and any task I performed around the house as well as my appearance, posture and mannerisms. She always wanted money to follow her latest desire and promised to repay me in the future – which she never did. If I challenged her about abuse she would threaten to leave or run off with another guy – leaving me to cover all the debts she'd accumulated.

When she got pregnant everything became 10 times worse, and after our child was born I became suicidal because I was working full time and getting no sleep at night (looking after our child) and being constantly yelled at. I organised and paid for a year of marriage counselling, but she was resolute in maintaining her position which was that everything was my fault.

After we split up her games began. She used our child as a pawn and made her unavailable when I wanted to see our child, and dumped our child onto me when I was flat out with work. She promised to stay nearby for our child's easy access to me and my family, but she moved several times further away. She wanted me to sign passport papers for our child to go on holiday to Fiji and promised she would never move overseas when I questioned that. Not long after she moved overseas for what she promised was a few years, but ended up staying indefinitely. Many years later my child returned as an adolescent and she came too. Her games continue to this day, our child is now an adult and living away from her, so I have some contact but she still manages to interfere and influence our offspring negatively towards me.