I experienced my first sexual interactions at 7-9 with my brother's girlfriend who was 16 at the time. I lived in a house of two victims of childhood abuse. My parents were often sexually inappropriate especially my mother and I'm unsure if we had sex. I had nightmares that we did while we shared the bed and she seducingly told me she would have dreams we were having sex.

My sister who was 5 years older also touched me in very arousing ways asking if I needed help while masturbating. Now when I am intimate I need to relive these experiences. I have been suicidal most of my life and since 13 have never been able to experience pleasure. I have tried every type of psych or counsellor, even self-referring myself to forensic psychologists to try to heal but they are useless. Often comparing stressful moments to being stuck in traffic.

I am desperate for help. I live in Victoria and am desperate for someone who can actually treat these problems effectively with me. If someone knows of a reliable source who can actually deal with these problems please email me. Thank you.