What can I do?

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, CALL 000. YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE.

There are a number of things you can do to help yourself:

It is important to recognise that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone. Understand what is happening to you.

• If you are a victim of family violence and/or abuse, it is unlikely the abusive person will change their behaviour towards you.

• Some men feel that they love their partner and their partner loves them. They just want to help their abuser see what they are doing is wrong. You cannot change the abuser’s behaviour – only they can.

• Your safety, both physically and mentally is of upmost importance so it is vital that you leave the relationship if you can.

• If you have children and the abuser is also their parent, we realise this is more difficult, but by reporting the incidents and keeping a diary (see below), this may help if you need to leave the family home, with or without your children.

It is vital you tell the relevant authorities about what is happening to you and keep a diary of the incidents.

• Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any (you could use the On Record App to keep an online diary)

• Tell a trusted friend and/or family member

• Keep a photo or video record of any injuries suffered

• Report each incident to your GP or hospital – make sure they take notes of your injuries

• Report each incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence) and ensure you speak to the domestic violence liaison officer if your local station has one. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person. Take a friend with you, if possible. ENSURE YOU OBTAIN A REFERENCE NUMBER – INSIST ON IT.

• Take advice regarding protection orders from a reliable solicitor if you can

• Consider telling your employer about the problems you are facing. Employers are far more aware of the problem of domestic abuse than before

• You may be able to access temporary accommodation and/or financial support through your local victims services office in some states.

• There may be a time when you need to leave immediately – ensure you have keys with you or have them stored elsewhere

Diary

• It may be safer to keep the diary outside of the home, with a friend, family member or at work (or use the On Record App)

• After each new incident ensure it is added to your diary as soon as possible

• If you are using an online diary, make sure it is secured with a password that your abuser cannot obtain.

Mobile Phone

• Keep your mobile phone with you at all times and ensure it is always charged. If your abuser monitors your phone, be careful what information is stored on it. When you leave, make sure that “track my phone” is turned off.

Documents

• Keep important documents for yourself and your children, such birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, drivers license, insurance documents, etc, in a safe place – this might be at your workplace or with trusted friends or family.

GP’s and health professionals are trained to recognise victims of family violence and abuse – please confide and report to them if you are a victim.

• Do not make excuses for any injuries

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
CALL 000
YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE

Do not be put off from going to the police thinking they will not believe you or that you are weak in doing so. If the police do blame, shame, ridicule, minimise, disbelieve or misunderstand you, ask to speak to another officer (request the domestic violence liaison officer) or visit another station. Don't give up!

Please follow the steps below:

• Report each incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence). Note that the police can proceed with a prosecution without the victim’s support.

• Ensure you obtain a reference number. Insist on it.

• Ask to speak to the trained domestic violence liaison officer if your local station has one. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person.

• Take a friend or support worker with you, if possible.

• Always try not to retaliate either physically or verbally. Even trying to restrain the perpetrator could be misconstrued as an attack by you upon them. Leave if you can or try to remove yourself to a safe room or place where you can call for help

• Notice the signs that may trigger an incident, and if you spot them, leave

• If you retaliate, or even try to restrain the perpetrator, you increase the chances of the police arresting you rather than your abuser, even if they are the aggressor.

• Share your Safety Plan with a trusted person so that they can support you when the time comes or if you need to leave in an emergency.

Many thanks to the ManKind Initiative, our brother organisation in the UK, for allowing us to adopt this material from their website.